Thanks to everyone who commented!
LOVE the imagery!!! :D
I agree with Becca! The imagery gives a really moody introspective feeling... Love it!
I love the language, it is beautifully written. Very vivid, great imagery :)
I love it. :D
NICE work. It's gorgeous (and I love the Russian Roulette with tetanus line)
I have to agree with the others when I say I'm totally blown away by the imagery! I'm also very curious about Olivia and what has her so apprehensive to return home. I sure hope you blow the dust off this one and keep on with it!BTW: I sooo love the name Olivia. If I have a bunch of girls, I'm naming one Olivia, lol. I'll probably end up with all little boys!
Lovely! I agree with Kirsten: Russian Roulette with tetanus is a perfect, vibrant line. Love it.
Beautiful. It gives me a sense of a bittersweet return???
Kaitlin, this is my favorite of all your teasers! I can't wait for you to finish it. :)
Love the last line - as well as "she smiles and squeezes my hand..." Great feeling, and great voice! More please!
Yeah, I agree with everyone else--this is awesome. I totally want to know why she's so apprehensive to return home. Plus, you've set the scene beautifully.Oh, and I also love: Opening the latch on the gate is like playing Russian Roulette with tetanus.
Stunning imagery. And a great contrast to her home in the Afterlife. I wonder what is going on.
Beatifully done! You've got an excellent handle on your setting. Using it as a mirror for Olivia's inner feelings brings that element of 'literature' to any good story.You know your main character very well. Internally, she's clearly much more like the rough space outside her perfect yard than she is like her parents are who maintain it. Through the subtle, but deliberate use of setting, you've painted a picture (with few words) of the tension Olivia feels which we can see and that makes it much easier for me to feel it too.I'm looking forward to reading more! :)
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