That description reminds me of some of the athletic buildings I saw when I lived in the South. :) Hee hee, and I love her witty little line to her mom.
Loved the visual I got! Great description!!!!
You always nail descriptions so well. I love how you described the paint of the parking lot.
Great descriptions and wow sounds like a pretty impressive gym! :)
Dude. Your imagery ROCKS!! :D
Agreed w/ everyone else - great descriptions!! I laughed a little at her comment to her mom too!
I love your vivid descriptions!Really great teaser :) :)
That main descriptive paragraph is done so well!It's just this side of cynical while still painting a great picture. My favorite is the way you describe the parking lot and the lines, I can see it so easily.Will definitely be looking forward to future teasers!!
I love your description of what a bad parking lot would be. If you do edit this scene, keep this description. Totally solid.
Joining in the stellar descriptions chorus, and also, I must say I adored the "mammoth" shout-out :)
haha I use the word mammoth in everything. I think it's subconscious.
This seems a little suspenseful. Like something's gonna happen in this gym, or with these cleats. Good teaser because it's got me wanting more.
The visual was great. Very real :D
Haha, loved this line: "March straight into a locker room full of half naked boys? Sure"...naughty girl, lol. Great descriptions...love the sarcasm with the whole this side is posh and we have to stay in crapville!
Awesome description, It really is a strength of yours. I like the comparison of the yellows in the parking lot - great visuals re:the inside of a lemon peel.
I heartily agree with everyone else!You've given us a real insight into your protag through her inner monologue and through the specific details in the setting you chose to have her notice and comment on.Both of these not only help set the tone in a very short space of words, but they add layers of characterization which help make the protag someone we can care about.Nicely done!
Yeah, I'm on board with everyone else--love, love your descriptions. I could vividly see everything in my head! And I got a great feel for the MC by her IM and her dialogue with mom. Great job!
I loved the snarky comment of going into the locker room :)Also loved the descriptions, I could see it!
Love the voice and all the wonderful vivid description you've got going on. Especially how you evoked the old parking lot.Very much looking forward to reading more!
I missed yours -- I'm sorry! I just didn't have enough time to read everyone's, so I'm catching up this morning. Looking forward to next week's teaser.
aww, sorry. I kind of took it down too soon. I'm thinking maybe it wouldn't kill me to leave them up at least until Wednesday evenings.Thanks for the comments, everyone!
Hehe I always open all the teasers on different tabs! I really loved this a lot! Great descriptions!
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