Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Teaser Tuesday

Thanks to all who commented! This was an especially good Teaser Tuesday, I enjoyed reading all of yours as well.

22 comments:

Laura McMeeking said...

That description reminds me of some of the athletic buildings I saw when I lived in the South. :) Hee hee, and I love her witty little line to her mom.

Lee Bross said...

Loved the visual I got! Great description!!!!

Amanda Hannah said...

You always nail descriptions so well. I love how you described the paint of the parking lot.

VĂ©ro said...

Great descriptions and wow sounds like a pretty impressive gym! :)

Becca said...

Dude. Your imagery ROCKS!! :D

Jamie B said...

Agreed w/ everyone else - great descriptions!! I laughed a little at her comment to her mom too!

Amna said...

I love your vivid descriptions!

Really great teaser :) :)

LizPage said...

That main descriptive paragraph is done so well!
It's just this side of cynical while still painting a great picture. My favorite is the way you describe the parking lot and the lines, I can see it so easily.

Will definitely be looking forward to future teasers!!

Amber said...

I love your description of what a bad parking lot would be. If you do edit this scene, keep this description. Totally solid.

Kirsten Hubbard said...

Joining in the stellar descriptions chorus, and also, I must say I adored the "mammoth" shout-out :)

Kaitlin Ward said...

haha I use the word mammoth in everything. I think it's subconscious.

Alyson Greene said...

This seems a little suspenseful. Like something's gonna happen in this gym, or with these cleats. Good teaser because it's got me wanting more.

Mortem Twins said...

The visual was great. Very real :D

Krista Ashe said...

Haha, loved this line: "March straight into a locker room full of half naked boys? Sure"...naughty girl, lol.

Great descriptions...love the sarcasm with the whole this side is posh and we have to stay in crapville!

Kristin Miller said...

Awesome description, It really is a strength of yours. I like the comparison of the yellows in the parking lot - great visuals re:the inside of a lemon peel.

John Rea-Hedrick said...

I heartily agree with everyone else!

You've given us a real insight into your protag through her inner monologue and through the specific details in the setting you chose to have her notice and comment on.

Both of these not only help set the tone in a very short space of words, but they add layers of characterization which help make the protag someone we can care about.

Nicely done!

houndrat said...

Yeah, I'm on board with everyone else--love, love your descriptions. I could vividly see everything in my head! And I got a great feel for the MC by her IM and her dialogue with mom. Great job!

J.S. Wood said...

I loved the snarky comment of going into the locker room :)

Also loved the descriptions, I could see it!

Leila Austin said...

Love the voice and all the wonderful vivid description you've got going on. Especially how you evoked the old parking lot.

Very much looking forward to reading more!

Deniz Kuypers said...

I missed yours -- I'm sorry! I just didn't have enough time to read everyone's, so I'm catching up this morning. Looking forward to next week's teaser.

Kaitlin Ward said...

aww, sorry. I kind of took it down too soon. I'm thinking maybe it wouldn't kill me to leave them up at least until Wednesday evenings.

Thanks for the comments, everyone!

Karla said...

Hehe I always open all the teasers on different tabs! I really loved this a lot! Great descriptions!